Some More Irrational Ideas – Adapted From The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook

In the last post, negative self-talk comprising of irrational ideas were presented. In this post some more irrational ideas are analysed.

Irrational Ideas	Comments
11. You are helpless and have no control over what you experience and feel	This belief is at the heart of much depression and anxiety. The truth is we not only exercise considerable control over interpersonal situations, but also control how we interpret and emotionally respond to each life event.
12. People are fragile and should never be hurt.	This irrational belief results in failure to openly communicate important feelings, and in self-sacrifice that gives up what is nourishing and pleasurable. Since everything you need or want seems to hurt or deprive someone else, you feel frustration, helplessness and depression. In relationships conflicts develop and nothing is said.
13. If you don't go to great lengths to please others, they will abandon or reject you.	Behind this feeling is low self-esteem. The truth is that you usually run less risk of rejection if you offer others your true unembellished self. They can take it or leave it. If they respond to the real you, you don't have to worry about letting down your guard and being rejected later.
14. When people disapprove of you, it invariably means you are wrong or bad.	This crippling belief sparks chronic anxiety in most interpersonal situations. This belief is irrational because of the huge generalization of one specific fault or unattractive feature to the total condemnation of the self.
15. Happiness, pleasure and fulfillment can only occur in the presence of others and being alone is horrible.	Pleasure, self-worth and fulfilment can be experienced alone as well as with others. Being alone is growth producing and desirable at times.
16. There is a perfect love and a perfect relationship.	People with this belief often feel resentful of one close relationship after another. Nothing is quite right because they are waiting for the perfect fit, which never comes.
17. You shouldn't have to feel pain, you are entitled to a good life.	The realistic position is that pain is an inevitable part of life. Pain frequently accompanies tough, healthy decisions and the process of growth. Life follows an order, and because of past karma sometimes you will suffer no matter what you do.
18. Your worth as a person depends on how much you achieve and produce.	Your real worth is in knowing the un-negatable truth about yourself. In the absence of that, ask yourself are you successful in managing your likes and dislikes, in having a certain mastery over your ways of thinking and responses to unfavourable situations.
19. Anger is automatically bad and destructive.	Anger is cleansing and an honest communication of your feelings, when it is without attacking the personal worth and security of others.
20. It is bad or wrong to be selfish.	Are you really being selfish, when you assess your needs and wants? Afterall no one knows your needs and wants better than you, and no one else has as great an interest in seeing them fulfilled. Your happiness is your responsibility. You are selfish only when you gain at the cost of others.

Each of us has our own set of irrational thoughts that might have not been included in the lists above. The best way to uncover your irrational ideas is to think of situations in which you experience anxiety, depression, anger, guilt or a sense of worthlessness. Behind each of these emotions, particularly if they are chronic, is irrational self-talk.

Most of our self-talk is difficult to uncover, because of the speed and invidibility of thoughts. Self-talk has a reflexive automatic quality, so it easy to think that the feelings arise spontaneously from events. However, once the thoughts are slowed down, like a slow-motion film, frame by frame, they begin to become more clear. The thoughts that create your emotions may frequently appear in a kind of shorthand: "No good…. crazy…. feeling sick….. disgusting.." and so on. That shorthand has to stretched out into the orginal sentence it was extracted from. The sentence can then be challenged using some simple methods given later.

Om Tat Sat