Irrational thoughts cause pain in relationships

Pushpa was upset. She had a bad dream. And she believed that her bad dreams always came with a warning of what was to follow in her waking life. She had a strong belief that her dreams were intuitive. In her dream she heard that Manisha was sick. When she went to meet Manisha, a strange lady, whose face she could not see, stopped her and would not permit her into the house to see Manisha.

The next day she told Manisha, Manisha did not think much of it and lightly said, "It could be that this dream is reflection of some fear that you are having inside." Then Manisha told her about how she had gone out with her friend Kiran and had a really good time. Manisha liked Kiran very much and would often go over to her place. In course of conversations with Pushpa she would mention her lively chit-chats with Kiran.

After a few days Pushpa said that, "This is a recurring dream… it's been recurring everyday and today I saw her face". When Manisha asked her who it was, she would not tell.

Practically every day Pushpa was very irritable and would quarrell with Manisha for no particular reason.

After a few days, when Manisha had just returned from Kiran's place, Pushapa again quarrelled with Manisha for without any reason. When Manisha could handle it no more she finally protected herself and said, "I am getting upset and so I will go into silence to understand my feelings and process them. I will talk to you after that."

Immediately Pushpa shot back, "Kiran has poisoned your mind against me. In fact she was the lady that I saw in my dreams. She was the lady who was stopping me from seeing you. My dream was right after all."

Manisha suddenly understood what had happened. Unconsciously, Pushpa was feeling that Manisha spent all her time with Kiran instead of with her. Because of her insecurity, Pushpa was blaming poor blameless Kiran, for something she had never done.

This is what happens when we do not LISTEN to our feelings and understand the irrational thoughts behind them. Then without our conscious intention, the feelings take over completely. We believe them to be true. We never think of finding out the irrational thoughts behind them and correcting them. We simply act on our feelings and create havoc in relationships.

Pushpa's outburst in the end was due to an IRRATIONAL thought of 'entitlement' perhaps. Irrational entitlement thoughts think that "I want something, therefore I should have it. My need justifies my demanding others to provide it. If I don't get what I need somebody is deliberately depriving me."

Pushpa needs to understand that :-

1. She is free to want more time with Manisha and Manisha is free to say no.
   
2. She always has a right to say no and Manisha has too.
   
3. Her desire does not obligate Manisha to meet it.