Believing In Yourself

Manisha was deeply hurt and angry. Her friend Pushpa had talked negatively about her friendships with others, behind her back, to another close friend. As a result Manisha's close friend had become hostile to her friends. Manisha was deeply offended as well. In her code of ethics this was very wrong… she felt Pushpa had no right to interfere in her friendships and she felt betrayed. On top of it all, when Manisha confronted Pushpa, Pushpa instead of apologizing kept on trying to justify her actions.

For days Manisha brooded over this. Her painful self had been triggered by this episode.

Suddenly one morning she woke up with great insight. The truth was that no matter what Pushpa thought of her, or her friendships, she was okay. She was alright. Her conscience was clear and she was alright. Why should she allow Pushpa's immaturity to spoil her mood? No matter what her close friend thought of her, no matter what anybody thought of her for that matter, since her conscience was clear she was always alright. What others thought of her could not change her being who she was.

She had to only truly believe in herself. Suddenly she understood her true empowerment of herself was her unshakable belief in herself. Since her belief in herself was based on her clear conscience, it could not be shaken. In facts other's opinions, even significant others, could not make any dent on her self. She was who she was … and that could not be changed by other's opinions. In fact she deeply respected and valued herself. Her self-respect was based on her conscience being clear … so how could somebody else's opinion change who she was. It could not. Understanding this Manisha was able to make many shifts. She was able to let go of her anger and accept Pushpa's actions without being pained anymore. She also understood Pushpa's ways of thinking and would be more careful with Pushpa in future.

This incident can be used to understand certain very important principles which govern our feelings. Whenever there is anger, hurt, guilt, fear, greed, jealousy, attachment etc. it means that it is centered on one's sense of "I" – on one's self-identity or ego. One's self-identity or "I" sense has both a healthy component to it, as well as an unhealthy component to it. The healthy component is the healthy sense of "I" which reflects a basic feeling of security, confidence and contentment. If one received adequate emotional security and care in childhood, the "I" sense is mostly healthy.

The unhealthy component is the unhealthy sense of "I", the painful self talked about in the last post. It is there for everybody in greater or lesser measure, depending on the kind of childhood one might have had. The painful self feels insecure, underconfident and unhappy…. associated with it are painful memories and painful impressions.

Many of the unpleasant situation we confront in adult life, trigger the painful self. Once this part of the ego is trigerred, the painful memories and impressions of the past are also triggered. The feelings of insecurity, under-confidence and unhappiness are also triggered. Consequently the feelings of hurt and anger also arise.

If our conscience is clear, once the painful self is triggered, it is easier to get back to the healthy "I" sense.

Any disturbance to the healthy "I" sense, actually causes a disturbance in the subtle energy patterns of the body, which triggers off the pent-up and unaddressed unhealthy emotions of hurt, sadness, fear, guilt, extreme anger etc. Once this disturbance to the subtle energy patterns in the body is righted, it becomes very easy to get back to the healthy 'I' sense and consequent feelings of confidence and happiness. This can be done very simply and effectively by using EFT. How to use EFT can be learnt by visiting the website http://www.emofree.com/.